I haven’t written for quite awhile because it has been a difficult period since the last post. November is always the time to reflect upon gratitude, and when I am grieving, I find that those moments suggest clarity, and I am once again able to move on, not quickly with confidence, but with baby steps, one foot awkwardly in front of the other, falling down, then gradually getting back up on my feet.
I won’t bore the reader with a personal gratitude list. There are thousands on the web to read of those. I am, however, grateful for the presence of the muses, who I tend to picture in my mind as a mischievous group, who derive enjoyment from playing with me just to see if I am indeed focused and paying attention. Oh, let’s fix it so the computer won’t work today. Well, that worked yesterday, so we’ll see how she handles a week of tech support calls about her printer. Hmmm. What next so we can see what makes her sweat? LOL.
Once again, they are defeated. The universe aligns its course and the collectors reappear to keep me occupied with the work I love to do. The days are filled with studio activity and the waves of sadness create a low tide where I can function. The painting becomes therapeutic as multiple commissions are completed and delivered. The pain of losing close friends is buried underneath the surface for the present. There are tons of projects waiting. Why is it so difficult to start the next one? Why do my hands seem to hesitate drawing the next line? Why is it necessary to ask myself these questions?
I miss them because they were my mentors as well as my friends. They were there to support , inform, question, and advise me on this journey of my dreams. They shared the highs and lows, and comforted me when needed. Their presence within my life filled my weeks with joy and shared humor. The void is felt within the circle yet life continues as if they were still here with us. The ending of the year will hopefully provide closure.