A Totally Politically Incorrect Inspiration from Clement Clarke Moore or Henry Livingston, Disputed Authors Because Google Says So

“Twas the nightmare ’round Christmas

And all through the house

No one was stirring,

Not even the “mouse.”

The stockings were hung on the mantel with care

With hopes that Fedex packages soon would be there.

Suddenly silence was pierced by a noise

That surely would frighten young girls and boys.

Kabam! Kaboom! Was that glass that shattered?

Awakened from sleep was all that mattered.

When what before my eyes should appear 

But a solid tiled floor and no Santa’s reindeer.

No Dasher, Prancer, no Comet, or Cupid,

No broken bones, only feeling so stupid!

While nursing contusions after the fall,

Ice packs on, ice packs off,

How many days before Christmas and now this strange cough?

Boxes yet to be wrapped and e-cards to send

Left a feeling of dread that I thought might not end.

Only packing awaited, anticipation grew, 

Visions of margaritas… make that one, maybe two.

Palm trees, warm breezes, out of the cold

Relief for holiday madness…

that never gets old.